Becoming someone’s mother taught me something very fast: “know yourself”. A little bit of baby blues and major life change got me to “if you don’t know yourself than you’d better figure it out”. (Thank you Jesus for helping me get there.) Then once I figured it out, I had to learn how to stop apologizing for who I was; after all God created me this way! Next, I had to learn how to strengthen the areas of me that were already strong and to accept and ask God to help me in the areas of me that are still very weak. That brought me back full circle to “know yourself” with a little smattering of like yourself. Which in turn took me right back to not apologizing for who I am….I bet you get the picture.
This is my circle of motherhood. The place where I keep returning as everything around me changes.
I’m finding myself more grounded as I am reminded what I am good at and where my strengths lie. I’m also finding myself praying for grace as I face my weaknesses.
So I want to dream a little dream out loud in this space that is my little blog. I’m not looking for world wide publication-I have not had that in mind. This is just a space for me to process out loud, celebrate what God does in the midst of tumult and stillness and to remember later and probably laugh at myself.
Because you see I’m fighting for space these days. I’m fighting for time. I have all these goals in my heart and longings in my soul for this life I’ve been given. Each one is like this lovely little video, my very own .gif in my head. Each one draws me in and pulls me forward; stretching my heart to reach for it.
I want so much to get back into the habit of writing. Even if every post sounds like the last one, even if it’s too wordy, even if nobody but me reads it! I want to snuggle my children close and celebrate and relish the things that bring me joy-like flowers and music and really great jokes.
It feels close-so very close. My last child is potty trained-potty trained people! I don’t carry a diaper bag-in fact, I turned it into my gym bag because it is still freaking cute. I don’t have baby wipes in my purse. And somehow, that’s getting me to dream. What will life look like with big kids?
I’m excited for this new journey. My head is full of ideas! My heart is full of prayers for my kids and for my husband and for myself. I find myself asking God, “what will you do with us now?”. I don’t think it is going to be anything with fireworks or wild adventure, and yet I’m anticipating quite a journey.
So cheers to finding myself, for rejoicing in all that God has done in the past and all that He might do ahead. May we be faithful and encourage others likewise.