I’m usually much more on top of my game than I was this year as the calendar turned afresh. I feel like all my friends were so ready for the new year with their posts about their goals for 2015, their word they are focusing on for the year, their prayers, their resolutions. I was unexpectedly treading water to keep my heart open and present in the midst of a continuous sea of activity, events, meetings and family.
At first it really bothered me, you know, when I woke up from la-la land. But as I tried to clear the clutter, wipe the lens to see what I had going on around me and what was in my heart, I was ok with how 2015 found me. You see I was found in the thick of it; in the thick of life. All around me babies are being born, marriages are struggling, people are dying and getting sick, cars are being totaled, relationships are being celebrated and conflicted. Big things like that and little things like my daughter fighting me on potty-training, my heart trying to figure out how to tell my boys how to guard and open their own hearts with their friends at school, what in the world is for dinner?
As my love says often, “ain’t nobody got time for that!”.
Truth be told, I sort of want to escape all alone to some rustic cabin on an island in the pacific northwest, where rain falls on the sea of perpetual green, where quiet reigns, so I can figure out and take stock of where my heart and mind and soul are right now. But, I am afraid I’m in the thick of life and it’s not time to pause just yet.
I’m learning to practice compassion to myself thanks to Brene Brown. So I’m thus learning to be ok with that. It’s alright for me to be in the thick of crazy; to be present with the people around me. How many of us have the luxury of just being available to respond to others?
So while I work and juggle, while I pray and abide, while I seek and retreat, persue and rest I’m met with the challenge of asking myself what’s up with me? What’s up with my heart? God, what are you doing in me? How will you lead us in this new year and help me focus in the midst of so much?
If you are feeling behind the curve for 2015, I just want to ask you to be compassionate to yourself too. It’s ok to be present and available to others in your life, to be in the thick of it. Keep on seeking, don’t check out. Invite God and others into your messy little picture.
Maybe all we need is to be willing to embrace the Mystery and wait and see what God will do?
To the King and to the mystery of what will be unveiled in 2015!