I read this book recently by Brene Brown, Daring Greatly. The book was so personally challenging to me. I wish I had some fabulous sentence I could form describing why specifically, but I’m just wading through it like a sponge already full of water; I can’t take more on ’til I let a little out.
Brene Brown is probably the most quotable woman to me these days. She drops these nuggets of truth all over the place! For example,
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Chew on that for a bit…
The nugget of truth I’m currently wrestling with from her book (Daring Greatly) is about how important it is to tell the people you love what you need. Clearly. Bravely.
For some reason this was monumental to me. It hit me with the challenge of receiving the love those people offer me and growing the love I have for them. It just made so much sense to me to think that if I can’t tell the people who already love me what I need and be vulnerable with my needs, then I have so many other issues going on. Obviously the people who love you are FOR you and on your side. It’s like your own cheering section in life. We should all be able to tell our cheering section what will keep us going.
It got me thinking about something I’ve said to my husband for years (and how funny it is that I didn’t take my own advice); I used to tell him early on that I can’t read his mind and I need him to call an audible. If he’s the quarterback and I’m in the huddle and don’t hear the play he calls, I’ll mess it all up. So I need him to tell me.
There I was telling the love of my life I wanted him to tell me what he needed, but I didn’t realize how much I needed to take my own advice. Sheesh!
While I know I’m a people-pleaser, and while I know I am also verbal and loudly opinionated, telling the people I love what I need is really hard for me. Harder than I realized. So I’m on a quest to be brave and courageous and to let my cheering section know what’s going to keep me going.
I want to be there for them so can I let them be there for me? Guess I better speak up!
My parent friends who have gone before me sing a chorus to me these days. It sounds like this: “Don’t wish these days away!” “Treasure these moments!” “Enjoy your time with your children while they are young!”
I’m very grateful for their song on days like yesterday, when my fresh two-year old had me absolutely stumped. She was throwing a mega-tantrum and I just looked at her completely lost. Is she sick? Maybe that cold turned into an ear infection and it’s making her into this screaming banshee that is before me. Maybe it’s teeth. Can I see in there? Do I ignore this? Do I discipline her or hug her and try to explain things to her?
My BFF will laugh at me. I know this even as I type these words. She has walked with me through these particular parenting years twice before. For some reason, my kids hit 18 months and they begin to elude me. I can at least recognize the pattern at this point thanks to her. Side note: It is not fair that it takes three plus children to figure things out. If you stop having kids you don’t get to practice your new-found awesomeness. If you keep having kids well…you’ll be tired. (And AWESOME!)
So as I sat gazing at my banshee two-year old daughter, I remembered what my BFF has said to me (with great love) in the past. And I got up and walked away. Don’t worry – I came back. And we talked, she and I. This little person whom I underestimate. That walking away reminded me that I underestimate the intelligence and comprehension of my children because of their off-the-charts emotions. When it comes right down to it, the lack of emotional self control in my kids is what throws me. I see them freaking out emotionally and I want to console and help. That’s when I’m thankful for their Daddy-who while being emotional is more capable of speaking into and teaching self-control.
I’m really grateful for the people in my life who help me to be a better parent.
I’m also really grateful for Facebook…whining in a public forum is fun. 😉
Wait…who has emotional self-control issues?
As I pondered and reflected on my day in the quiet moments after I put the munchkins to bed last night, I considered my almost nine-year old son. Sigh. He’s dreamy. I adore him. Sometimes I want to drink him in. He’s beautiful inside and out. So handsome and so kind and loving. He is at that age where his personality, his spirit just flow out of him. I especially love getting reports of dreaminess (a.k.a. chivalry and kindness) from other people who see it when I am not around. He is the one who encourages me to keep going. He is the one who I think on and remember what HE was like as a two-year old.
He was a very verbal child. I have a list of all the words he spoke at 18 months and it shocks most people. He excelled at verbal communication (and still does) at a very early age and being the first born, I didn’t realize the significance. But he was also the one who would hug the other babies/toddlers in the nursery, then body slam them and bite them in an attempt to kiss them. I was mortified when the church nursery had to repeatedly inform me he was biting and tackling kids.
When he was two, my BFF and I would attempt to go to MOPS. Our boys would scream their heads off as we left. And they would keep screaming. Finally at about half-way through the morning, the sweet ladies tending to them couldn’t take it anymore and they would call for us to come and fetch our clingy two-year olds. Every time MOPS would meet I would tell my friend how I just didn’t want to keep putting him in there because of his screams. I didn’t understand why he was screaming. Was he hurt? Was he afraid?
Um, no, my friend would tell me. He’s just a child who wants his way.
So I kept putting him in there. And you know what? Eventually it was bliss.
But it was so painful to stay the course.
These memories remind me that parenting is just hard! For some of my mommy friends, this age is their sweet spot. My friend is amazing at this age. She is the most solid rock I’ve ever known. You just don’t mess with that Mommy if you are a toddler. She sees right down to your soul and instinctively knows what you need and when you need it.
I am not sure if the parenting sweet spot is more what you feel is easy for you, where you excel strategically or some semblance of both. I’m pretty sure two year olds are not in my sweet spot though. Maybe one day I’ll figure out what it is. And then I’ll cry a song to my friends who are in my place, “cherish the moments when your kids are young!”.