I think one of the hardest times for me to write is when I am sad. I have huge gaps here in my blog and the majority of them have occurred when life is just hard.  When things are not going my way, I struggle to find and articulate my thoughts, to make them cohesive and to get them down without self-editing to death. I believe one part of that is the response that is often garnished from a display of vulnerability like that. Coming from a place of sadness, most people hurt for you and genuinely want to bring you out of that place of sadness or just help shine a light in the midst of it.

Brene Brown is this researcher-storyteller (self-proclaimed) who is rising in a Christian circle I’m in. She has dedicated a large portion of her life’s research to two issues; shame and grief. Not exactly a “happy” task. I recently saw a video interview with her where she is talking about the hurts of life. One thing she likens life’s tough spots to is childbirth with the mid-wife standing by and saying “yeah, it hurts. It’s supposed to. Now push.” Without that work of pushing the joy of life is snuffed out. There’s sacrifice involved.

Right now my family is going through a challenging time. There are parts that are hurting, and parts that are beautiful. There are wounds not gushing (yet) and struggling to heal. But there is rich depth forming in relationships with others. What makes me feel even more heavy and sad in this time, is that so many of my friends are also bearing heavy things right now. There are these big things looming in my friends lives and in our lives that make our hearts say, “man, this hurts!”.  Life, death, deceit, brokenness. And yet in those places, the balm of togetherness is what is soothing the wounds.

Being able to laugh over a glass of wine, counting the moments of joy with a new sense of deep gratefulness. The beauty is more beautiful when the hurt is all around and fresh.

As I’ve struggled to find the words to write today in my place of sadness, I’m grateful for those who will just sit with me in it. Those who will weep with me and just be there. Tomorrow is a new day and could change it all. What I’ve always known and relied on is that through this and anything else thrown at us, God is here. The presence of a Savior and one who offers hope is what calms my weary soul and heavy heart and helps me to do as the midwife says, “push”. Push in. Push through. Feel it all.

If you’d like to catch a glimpse of Brene Brown, here is the interview I mentioned:

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