Remember about, oh 10+ years ago when every single church on the block was doing a “Purpose Driven Life” sermon series? (It was actually published in 1997, which is 13 years ago…) I hated that. It was so annoying to me that everyone was jumping on the same purple bus. I cringed in the grocery store check out line when I saw those purple books. It was everywhere!
This should tell you a lot about me. It’s told me a lot about me at least.
I always look at fads and trends with one eyebrow raised. I’m not one to just “go with the flow” of trends or mindlessly follow the crowds. I’m more like a “buck the system” kind of girl. And if I do follow a fad, I have extensive research ready for why I’m doing it. (This translates now into the fact that I STILL do not own one single pair of skinny jeans. Not one. Yes, I know I’m a fool. How DO I wear my boots? I kept thinking it was a fad and would go away. I’m finally convinced. But now there are colored jeans? I do not have ANY friends wearing colored jeans. Can we do that at our age? I dunno. But I digress…)
Ultimately, the reason I thought it was dumb was because to me, I had just figured that answer out. I knew what my purpose was 13 years ago. I mean, I was a whole 19 years old! Duh, I knew my purpose: Go to college, get married, have kids, live happily ever after.
Done and done. Thanks for coming.
Then, I met Jesus for the millionth time in the journey of my life. As with most things, I wasn’t about to jump on any band wagon. I did my research! So when I did finally swallow my pride and admit that I was desperate for a Savior, I was all in. I needed hope, light, goodness and the promise of restoration like I needed air to breath. I went ALL in and I have been ever since. It has changed my life forever and I am so grateful.
I still feel like I know the answer by the way. The purpose of my life is to bring glory to God, in everything, in every way, all the time.
But the problem is that I so do not do that. It doesn’t mean that isn’t my purpose; it just means I’m sinful and still desperately need a Savior so that I CAN bring glory to God and fulfill His purpose for my life.
33 year old Tiffany, however, is a bit bored. There, I said it. It sounds so sacrilegious AH! I’m bored with myself though. I’m bored with the monotony of each day. Not hopelessly bored, but bored. I find myself talking to the Lord a lot about this throughout the day. My conversations usually go something like this: “um, Lord, please tell me there is more to my life than cleaning. No, really. I know that there is but could you please show a girl something that does NOT need to be cleaned?”
I am still stuck in my 19 year old self’s purpose even though I know the truth:
-go to college….check
-have kids….check, check, and check
-live happily ever after…um I am happy. So check?
See, I know that my life isn’t about being happy. I am happy. I can be happy and bored right? I just am longing for adventure. I’m longing for something to shake things up. I’m ready to be off on a journey. I’m ready to pave a way. Let’s go!
I think the trouble is that there is nothing “big” ahead. There is nothing foreseeable over the horizon. I feel richly blessed for where God has me and our family. He is so good to us! I’m learning that He is good because He is God. Not because of anything I have done or anyone I am. But because He is good. I’m learning that purpose matters because we all get old and eventually die. We all have just a short time here to make a difference, be an impact for the Kingdom of Heaven. To point people towards light and love and help them see the Darkness.
I’m learning that it is IMPERATIVE for us to do this in community. That it is wrong to be alone. It is “not good”, God said so! God is in community with himself (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) so we must be in community too. We need each other to be encouraged, to be effective, to remind one another.
God is moving and working in my heart and in my life. But I’m wrestling even in my happiness. Even in my knowledge of what is true I wrestle with desire for more, more, more. More life, Lord.
I don’t have much of an end for this blog post because that is where I’m at; in the middle. Just there looking and waiting and asking for a maid now and then.
Because, there’s more to my life than cleaning. 😉