Right now, I work at home. You could say I’m a stay-at-home mom or S.A.M. But after doing this for 4 going on 5 years, I don’t like what that infers. I am B-U-S-Y almost everyday. S.A.M. always conjurs up in me the idea that society loathes me because we choose to sacrifice an entire extra annual income for the sake of raising our kids. Loathe away society.

Anyway, what scares the bezurks out of me is what happens when the kids are all in school full day. Currently, our plan is that once the children are occupied during the day, I will get a job out in the market place.  However, we still plan to live solely on the Hubb’s income, (like we do now) that way my contribution will be directed towards paying off any lingering debt we have at the time and going towards savings for college for our children and then eventually, our retirement.

That’s the plan anyway.

Why does this scare me? Well, for starters, I majored in Communications Theory and Rhetoric with a minor in Psychology.  What exactly can I do with that? It’s so flippin’ general!

When I was working full time in the market place, I had pretty much my dream job as a Publications Coordinator for a church. I so loved my job and I got it straight out of college. It was diverse and had lots of different responsibilities. I could switch gears quickly and easily whenever one task got particularly monotonous.

The biggest issue is, at the time, my technological skills were right up there with the general market. In fact, I joyfully admit that I was one of the key reasons why our organization made the jump to the market standard of Adobe Suite. At the time, we were years behind using a software that wasn’t even going to be supported by the brand anymore.

Fast forward to me now. I haven’t messed with that software since the first editions of Adobe Suite. (I couldn’t afford to blow $1500 on the software when I quit working.) I was never formally trained on Photoshop and it’s been, let’s just say 5 years, since I’ve created and published any kind of layout. READ: My skills are so outdated!

I have no idea where to look or where to even start looking once it comes time to get a job. If I’m going to put myself back in the market place, then I want to do something I like. I don’t want to settle for less. I don’t accept defeat. I’m not going to work at Kohl’s or be some man’s administrative assistant…no, no, no. I am a smart and capable woman. I want to do something I love. I want to pour myself into something and create a path.

Right now I pour into my kids. I know that I will always pour into them and they will remain a high priority in my life forever. Even after they are grown.  But I’m excited to think that one day I’ll have a little pet to play with and I would like that pet to be a career. (“I will love him and pet him and call him George”…) Something that I can invest in and grow into slowly with increased responsibility over the course of time. Something I could do part-time at first, then full time eventually.

But, what? Does that mean I need to go back to school and update my technological skills? Should I focus on something new? How do I know and where do I start?

That’s what scares the bezurks out of me.

In my heart of hearts, I know that it’ll work itself out. Standing back here and peeking forward though…whoa…I get the shivers.

5 thoughts on “What Scares the Bezurks Out of Me

  1. Honestly, I often feel the same way. My writing gives me a lot of contentment and satisfaction right now. I don’t make enough money to jump up and down, but I make a little here and there and it gives me great satisfaction while still freeing me up to be with the kids. But what then? Do I keep dabbling in the writing thing or do I get get down and dirty and get a real writing job with a real salary? I always wonder if, and how, I would go about that. I just don’t know. So I keep moving forward with my hobby, making a few bucks here and there and I trust that, like you said, it will all fall in place in the end. If I ever finish my novel, I’d like to see what path that would take me. It’s the finishing that’s giving me fits. FITS! Love you! And yes – I’m sure you’ll be fine. A little night course or two and I bet you’ll be right on track. 🙂

  2. I don’t have plans to go back to work, at least at this point, and I STILL feel the same way. I had a minor freak-out a couple of weeks ago over how if I did have to go out and get a job right now, I don’t have any skills, I’m probably not employable anymore, etc. Yeah, that felt good.

    Honestly, I think it will all work itself out when it’s time for you to go back to work!!

  3. Take it one day at a time, Tiffany (which it sounds like that’s what you’re doing already!). You’re not alone at all. And don’t worry about the techie stuff. Things are changing so fast, just by blogging you probably know more about social media than many seasoned communications professionals. Keep doing what you’re doing, lady. God’s calling to motherhood is worth it, as will be His other callings to come!

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