A lot of people are posting about this New Year 2010 and how happy they are to say good-bye to 2009. True, it was a rough year! A lot of joys and sorrows were experienced for us last year. We welcomed a new life into the family as
Chase joined us in February, and yet we had to say a temporary farewell to one of the most important members of our family; Daddy, back in July.
2010 has a lot of meaning for me. It holds more of the same joys and sorrows of 2009. We will have the unspeakable joy of welcoming our treasured Daddy back home early this summer, and yet we also will have the end of some of the most challenging, wonderful, turbulent and exciting 4 years of our life. Yup, the end of 2010 marks the end of our 4-year stint with the United States Army.
I wish that I could say I have some goals for this year, but really, I’m in a mood these days that will need some time to pass. I always get crabby and sad when Jeremy initially leaves for deployment. I struggle with having a happy heart for about a month. So, I’ll have to wait until February or so to think like that. It’ll be a perfect time for happiness what with Valentines’ Day and Chase’s birthday.
No really, all I can think about is that “change” is going to be the operative word in our family as 2010 marches on. First, let me say that it is a rare gift to “know” in advance that something as big as unemployment is looming in the future. I say gift because usually unemployment is one of those things that is sprung on you. It’s something you reel back from and something you live with in shock and horror. We however, get to know it’s coming and pray, pray, pray, pray and pray some more about it.
So far our “plan” (I say “plan” because of something the Lord taught me about 4 years ago in Proverbs 19:21) is to simply let Jeremy’s contract expire and to move back to St. Louis in early 2011. Obviously, a LOT goes with that: a job, a place to live, an additional car. Those are not small things.
Those things remind me that I’ve wrestled with fear and danced with peace so much over the past 4 years. Sometimes the fear I wrestle with is merely me allowing Satan to get into my weak spots and take advantage of me, sometimes the fear is a lack of faith, sometimes the fear is a result of me not letting God speak or just me not listening when He does speak.
Last month, a scripture memory verse fell out of my Bible from a Beth Moore study I did last year. It was from Isaiah 46:9 and says, “Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.”
Jeremy is always quick to remind me that God has given us great peace and proven himself to be the Prince of Peace time and again in our lives. We have overcome some big and scary things in our lives and peace has accompanied each thing once I made the choice not to let my fears overtake me and to remember that my God is still seated on His throne.
As I write this I realize that maybe I do have a goal for 2010! Perhaps my goal for 2010 is found in Isaiah 43 and perhaps what I should focus on is these fears that try to overcome me. I think that it is an ongoing journey as He continues to show me the everlasting and incomprehensible peace that He offers to me.