Quiet Gardens, Raging Seas Part Deux
A String of Nevil Family MomentsArchive for Pensive Stuff
Availability
Yesterday afternoon I turned on my Christmas music. It was such a fun feeling to listen to it in the back ground as I went about my day. It made me giddy with anticipation of all that is to come very soon. But it also got me thinking about the “holiday season” and how busy we all are.
Ugh…it just makes my lip curl a tad. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again all the while expecting different results? We do that, right? Every new year we say “it’ll be better next year” for this, that or the other reasons. But it’s always busy and people are always stretched financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Sure we head into the season with huge amounts of joy and anticipation. But when it’s all over all we want is a nap!
These days I find myself in full swing in a place like that; I call it my “Busy Mom Land”. I knew that this day would come (and I whined about it all summer) as my first born entered school. I also know that it will get even more busy and chaotic as our boys continue to grow up and as more kids are tentatively added to the picture.
But as I wiggle around in some new responsibilities and try to find my footing, I’m learning a lot. I’m learning about myself; what I like and dislike, what I can do well and what I really don’t do well, as well as what I need if I am going to do ANYTHING well, i.e. sleep and coffee (in that order).
What it all boils down to for me is availability. I love being available to people! I want to be available too. Not just emotionally available but physically, spiritually and financially available. I like to have some space in my life and my day to do the unexpected just because I’m available!
Today at church, one of our ministers told us that there is a family whose children go to the school where our church meets on Sundays and they are living out of their car. They have six children and they are homeless. I believe there are something like 48 families in need just that this school is aware of and Renovo (our church) is doing what we can to help. I love this and I don’t say this to toot my church’s proverbial horn, I just say it because I love that we are making ourselves available to others. To me, that is speaking Jesus to people, that is what breathes life into a dark world.
In my “Busy Mom Land” and in the holiday season, I find that what I really need is some space. Some space so that I can be available to have my neighbor over for a cup of coffee just on the fly without notice or prearrangement (or makeup), some space in my wallet to buy a turkey for a family who wouldn’t be able to do that for themselves, some space to take a nap and give myself an emotional breather from all this running around I feel like I do and some time to pray and be at peace and at rest.
I’m learning so much right now in this season of life. I want to be available to others and I want to be available to my kids. I’m the only one who can guard my time and put the necessary space in the places it can go so that I can live in the talents God has given to me. There are a lot of things I stink at (and that stinkin’ list is growing), but there are a lot of things I’m good at too. I hope I can say that one of the things I’m good at is being available. I want Cooper and Chase to say of me and of Jeremy that we always made ourselves available to them for any reason and at any time.
Thoughts on Space…
One of the things Jeremy and I jokingly discussed before he deployed was the idea that we would turn this whole deployment experience into a book. There is surprisingly little literature on the subject (though, there is some good stuff out there.) We still may…you never know. Right now though, it still lives in the Land of Nevil Jokes (or L.O.N.J.).
However, even in the L.O.N.J., it’s worth thinking about things that would be good in the book. Like for example, my new found hermitness. Is that a word? I dunno. I made it up…it’s a QGRS Word.
I have found that one of the things I crave the most now that I am flying solo is peace and quiet. Stillness. It’s ok if people are around me (i.e. like if I was say, at Target…alone), but I just want to be in some space that has a low requirement of me. Is this weird?
I mean, let’s think about this, shall we? I’m a pretty relational person. I’m not as social as Jeremy, but I like to be around people and I do get lonely often times. Yet, there is this balance that seems to be necessary for me…almost an every-other-day kind of thing, where I need to have a little time to just “be” before I can go back out and “do”. I can’t spend too much time in either place though. If I spend too much time “being” then I sort of drown in self-pity after a while, and if I spend too much time “doing” well, I just get grouchy and irritable.
This week, my Bible study I’m doing (Hope for the Homefront) focused on Sabbath Rest. I’m not talking like, Seventh Day Adventist kind of rest though. In fact, she (the author) even takes you to the point where you have to think about what rest is for you as an individual. But the topic was just so perfect for me this week. I think that I get to the point where I am burning the candle at both ends and it is SO HARD for me to tell people “no”, and then before I know it I’m simply burnt earth!
Work is good (God said so) and I actually like work. Sometimes work is rest for me. But sometimes…it’s just not! And that is when I need peace. I need stillness. I picture quiet gardens, still waters, gentle breezes, ok,… maybe even some crashing waves. Ahhhhh…..so nice!
Bottom line, I’ve gotta be more deliberate about carving out time that is specifically for completing tasks and doing the work that is necessary in my life right now AS WELL AS time for some quiet space.
A special friend of mine told me that she is going on a solitude retreat soon. She is going to just spend a weekend alone with God. She’s is voluntarily taking away all the distractions in her life with the sole purpose of resting and listening to God’s voice. She is escaping to go and be with her Savior.
I love that. I think it would be a challenging thing for me to do because after maybe 5 hours, I know I’d be a bit lonely and tempted to “do” something. But I think after 5 more hours, I would be hearing God like He was speaking in loud speakers!
All that to say that I appreciated the reminder I had today and this week (well, at least thus far) that I have got to guard some space in my life and remember I’m a human being, not a human doing. I know that phrase is used a lot, but it is a powerful reminder to me!
