Quiet Gardens, Raging Seas Part Deux
A String of Nevil Family MomentsArchive for parenting
Availability
Yesterday afternoon I turned on my Christmas music. It was such a fun feeling to listen to it in the back ground as I went about my day. It made me giddy with anticipation of all that is to come very soon. But it also got me thinking about the “holiday season” and how busy we all are.
Ugh…it just makes my lip curl a tad. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again all the while expecting different results? We do that, right? Every new year we say “it’ll be better next year” for this, that or the other reasons. But it’s always busy and people are always stretched financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Sure we head into the season with huge amounts of joy and anticipation. But when it’s all over all we want is a nap!
These days I find myself in full swing in a place like that; I call it my “Busy Mom Land”. I knew that this day would come (and I whined about it all summer) as my first born entered school. I also know that it will get even more busy and chaotic as our boys continue to grow up and as more kids are tentatively added to the picture.
But as I wiggle around in some new responsibilities and try to find my footing, I’m learning a lot. I’m learning about myself; what I like and dislike, what I can do well and what I really don’t do well, as well as what I need if I am going to do ANYTHING well, i.e. sleep and coffee (in that order).
What it all boils down to for me is availability. I love being available to people! I want to be available too. Not just emotionally available but physically, spiritually and financially available. I like to have some space in my life and my day to do the unexpected just because I’m available!
Today at church, one of our ministers told us that there is a family whose children go to the school where our church meets on Sundays and they are living out of their car. They have six children and they are homeless. I believe there are something like 48 families in need just that this school is aware of and Renovo (our church) is doing what we can to help. I love this and I don’t say this to toot my church’s proverbial horn, I just say it because I love that we are making ourselves available to others. To me, that is speaking Jesus to people, that is what breathes life into a dark world.
In my “Busy Mom Land” and in the holiday season, I find that what I really need is some space. Some space so that I can be available to have my neighbor over for a cup of coffee just on the fly without notice or prearrangement (or makeup), some space in my wallet to buy a turkey for a family who wouldn’t be able to do that for themselves, some space to take a nap and give myself an emotional breather from all this running around I feel like I do and some time to pray and be at peace and at rest.
I’m learning so much right now in this season of life. I want to be available to others and I want to be available to my kids. I’m the only one who can guard my time and put the necessary space in the places it can go so that I can live in the talents God has given to me. There are a lot of things I stink at (and that stinkin’ list is growing), but there are a lot of things I’m good at too. I hope I can say that one of the things I’m good at is being available. I want Cooper and Chase to say of me and of Jeremy that we always made ourselves available to them for any reason and at any time.
Mommy Question Time: Dinner Time…
Here’s the scene: Dinner time. The evening in our house runs on a tight schedule because frankly, Chase is a crabby patty. He goes to bed at 7:00 pm…and when I say he goes to bed at 7:00 pm, I mean he is bathed, changed, fed and IN bed at 7:00 pm. Therefore, come 6:00 pm, he starts to get very fussy.
In the best-case scenario, Cooper and I are eating dinner between 5 and 5:30 pm (Chase eats around 4:00 pm) so that we have time to eat and then get cleaned up BEFORE Chase starts to get too crabby. If I miss the mark on this then I’ve got trouble.
The problem: Cooper. Yes, Cooper is killing me with his slow eating. Last night, I was a little late getting dinner on the table. (Totally my fault.) It was 5:55 pm when we sat down. At 7:19 pm I was ready to send the child to China and he was still eating (and crying) and I was attempting to put Chase to bed because the evening was so off kilter. Cooper didn’t want me to take his food away because “he was hungry”, but he wouldn’t be quiet and eat. (There is lots more to this story but that is the short version of what happened.) This is getting to be a regular evening issue here in the Nevil household and I’m pretty perturbed by it.
Additionally, the problem is that he won’t just shut up and eat! I love him and he’s a fun kiddo, but really, REALLY?
Therefore, my question to you all is this: What is a reasonable amount of time that I should/you give to your children to finish their dinner?
I am a firm believer in kids sitting at the dinner table with their parents. I don’t do the getting up and walking around thing either. Dinner is dinner and you don’t get your bootie out of that chair until I say. But I also understand that I eat way faster than a 4-year-old, so I try to add a little extra time in there for him to finish his food. I enjoy talking with him because that is another fun part of dinner; conversation around the table is what families do!
I feel like 30 minutes is plenty of time to eat. I don’t want him to rush, but I also don’t want him to eat slower than mollasses pouring out of a glass bottle on a cold day. You know?
If he can’t do it in that alloted time, I feel like it is perfectly ok to take his plate away from him and tell him that dinner time is over and so sorry you didn’t finish. Especially if he is clearly not making an effort to finish his dinner in a timely manner.
So that’s my issue. How does dinner time conversation and allotted time to eat work in your house at night?